The piercer

This is ones for the books. I needed to get a funny one in here today.

Tinder-32-works for some gun manufacturing place-former Marine.

We had a great time talking about the over 20 countries he’s been to. Love travel talk. You’d be surprised how many schmucks have never left the country. No offense if that’s you….maybe a little offense get on that for fucks sake!

Beard, cute pictures. We meet at the Vortex. Felt bad because I had to cancel on him once. He walks up….and he’s my height. Ehhhhhh……that’s like a thing for me.

But also the beard- yea MUCH longer now than what it was in his pictures. Like its now this unruly long bushy gross thing. Needs a cut bad. His whole head of hair needs a fucking wash and cut. Like ok yes be a lumberjack but use some fucking beard oil. Condition that shit. His hair was so long at the top- it was like this semi afro thinning on thing towards the top of it. Just way too unkept for an adult.

We are having our first drink and I notice his tattoos on his arm. I am a sucker for tattoos. Have none myself so I find them really sexy. But not the stupid ass drunken tattoos that mean nothing on a guy. If it doesn’t have a story and meaning- fuck off.

He says he has countless tattoos but there’s one he regrets he got in Japan but he’s getting it covered up currently. Oh yea? What is it of?

“Oh well above my groin in big red letters it says SLUT”

kristen

He shows me this picture of what he’s getting covered as- this eagle thing. And he says- see, you can barely see it now. And I’m like OH that’s your torso?? So you have nipple piercings?????

“Yea I have five piercings”

Searching his face….none.

Ok so I know about two……oh…..god……no……..

So you have like some kind of prince Charles or something?—–“Umm it’s a prince Albert.”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Well I never want to see that. But umm that’s THREE. Where are the other two?

***Do not be eating if you read further***

These apparently are official piercings, have names, all that. I have never heard of them. One was like a geisha or something.

SCROTUM……and TAINT. Yes TAINT. I said TAINT PIERCING!

disgusted

Oh  ho ho ho ho it gets worse. He tells me this story of how they did the taint piercing wrong the first time, he ad to go back the next day and get it done so it wasn’t crooked so his HOLE is larger than normal!!!!

Please God NO

fuckthis

WE ARE NOT EVEN DONE WITH OUR FIRST DRINK LET ALONE EVEN ORDERED DINNER.

Here’s a couple other gems I learned during dinner:

He was rejected from all the police jobs he applied for after the marines because he was told he “talks too much”

He works on the factory floor of this gun place, has applied three times for a promotion and has been denied every time

He lives with his parents

peewee

Honestly, when he kept texting me after that I told him we had too many differences and he wished me luck and I thought that was very gentlemanly.

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