The trombonist

What I sang to him at midnight on Valentine’s Day

Ooof I don’t know if I’m ready to post about him yet. This will definetly be a two parter I think. I started falling for this guy…..still get a pit in my stomach thinking about how dismissive he was. He hasn’t responded to my texts in a week. Blocked me on facebook and removed from his tinder. He’s probably leaving for San Fran this week.

He was so different. So talented, beautiful, tall, romantic. The night we met and I spent the night we layed in bed and he asked me to sing old american standards for him over and over. I’ve never done that with anyone. And he truly loved it. He knew all the songs. He’d never heard of the clash, or Sia or….. like anyone from the 20th or 21st century.

The second song I sang him

God we could have been something nice. Not a long distance relationship. But we could have stayed in touch. He was terrified of that. He was just in a seven year relationship. He seemed scared of what I said. About me actually liking him and not wanting to just sleep with him. He told me he wasn’t good enough for me. To leave his apartment and go be with someone who could actually be with me. He started to regret how he pushed me physically I could tell because he started bringing up his twin sister. I guess it was my confidence and comfort in my own sexuality that made him think I was just some hook up girl all of a sudden that second night? The romance left and he kept trying to get my dress off. I would push his hands off me and say no but still kiss him and he said the grossest thing ever- No as in yes, right? You really want it- I know you do.

No. I said no. And I mean no. And I’ve said it over three times. I’m not fucking teasing you. I don’t want to have sex.

I took one of the $30 bottles of wine with me that night that we bought together at Whole Foods to have enjoyed together.

The most mortifying thing….getting to my car and realizing my keys were up in his apartment still. Having to see him one more time come and casually give them to me and say “nice meeting you”

I cried that night.

salvation

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