Oh man heartbreak. My stomach is in knots today thinking about him. I was up in Woodstock helping my friend shop for a car…..thinking the whole time I was so close to where he lives. I know all the codes to his apartment, know which one is his….Went there enough times….the thought crosses my mind in the leftovers of pain to confront him and demand answers
Twice. He hurt me TWICE. I gave him a second chance and I’m still stuck alone without him. I could have fallen in love with him. Honestly, I still could. That’s what sucks the most I think. We connected more than anyone I have since I first met Matt five years ago.
I want to call him by his first name, he makes me so mad. But I know he’s in pain. I know he’s not ready for anything like what I wanted to give him.
When it rains, the front windshield in my car fogs up and I see his message he wrote for me with his finger across it. I always forget to wipe it…maybe I don’t want to.
Ok the snowboarder. We met in the dead middle of the night on tinder….yes, I know. I was the first person he matched with he said. We texted until dawn. We clicked. We met the next night. HE was nervous. Had never met someone from online before. After the second place we were at, he’s watching my take a drag from his cigarette and tells me I’m the most badass girl he’s ever met. Me? Badass? That’s a first.
He says he doesn’t want our first kiss to be in a bar. But that he wants it. We are the last people to leave the bar basically at 2:30am and decide to go to waffle house so we can just still be with each other, even if just an hour more. I leave the bar with a paper menu from the place. He had folded it up into an origami rose while he was talking with me. I had no clue what he was doing with this paper for like five minutes until it revealed itself to be a flower. For me.
When we leave his car at waffle house he grabs my waist and draws me in for our first kiss. I could have fainted.
The waitress greets us and says “wow you are so pretty young lady! Just beautiful!” I turn so red and she decides that our coffees are on her because it’s our first date!
He takes me back to my car after. The softest kisses. The softest, people. Heaven sent. Full of love. Not lust.
We tell each other we have never met anyone like the other. I ask him- the first time I’ve ever asked a guy this since I’d been dating- when can I see you again? He says “every day humanly possible, darling”
I put my paper rose in the middle of my car to look at every moment I can while driving.
He goes snowboarding all that weekend. He designs snowboards. Works for a huge company and store north of Atlanta called Ambush. And he models. Yep. Another model. He doesn’t pay for any clothes he owns. He just gets to keep what he models.
We see each other that next Monday but not until like 11pm because he’s stuck at work. I decide to meet him in Marietta. And when I get to the bar I meet his brother, his best friend, his best friends gf AND his roommate. Holy shit. He wanted me to meet all of these people already? Were they already here? Or did he ask them to come?
After time with them, we go to Nik’s Place just the two of us. We take the KENO cards from the bar and right secret messages full of love and flirtation back and forth quietly. I fold one up and slide it over. I wrote “I want to see you every single day”
We go back to his amazing loft apartment that’s in this like renovated factory type thing. His snowboards are showcased and hung up all over. So freaking impressive. We stay up till…god I don’t know like 7am? The sun was coming up. He calls into work. He took the fucking day off to be with me in his king sized bed even longer. Just hours of soft kisses. Making plans. Laughing. Listening to music. Showing pictures to each other of our lives.
I keep telling him I love his smell so much. When I have to go to work, he takes one of his shirts and douses it with his cologne and tells me to take it with me. We kiss long and sweetly at my car. We plan on meeting two days later. He never shows.