Ok time for some funny ones. Fuck that lonely bullshit. I’m making ramen noodles again because I WANT to eat them. I love sodium.
And now for some laughs:
The model is younger than me. From Alabama but comes into town often to gig. Met him on okcupid in the summer, younger than me by a few years. I remember thinking like yea right you’re not a model, but then I saw more and more of his pictures- and ok, these are professional pictures. Baby face but handsome.
He’s a little sad in a way too though. He was constantly called the f word growing up, wasn’t a good ole boy. Wanted desperately to live in Atlanta but couldn’t afford it yet. Attended college years before other people his age. Like started at 15. Smarts and Alabama- yea he wasn’t popular in his town. Poor guy I thought.
We go back and forth multiple times and meet at The Local late one Sunday night. Damn, what a looker I think! He doesn’t know what to order. He’s NEVER had PBR he says… ok…. and he orders like a girly cocktail.
We are one drink in and it’s last call. What?! We are just getting started! But I forgot- that’s Fulton county for ya.
So I ask the bartender- where do people go at midnight then on a Sunday? “IDK a strip club?”
Uhh….no I’ve never been to one, but thanks. The model looks at me and we basically do the “Hey fuck it- if you’re game, I’m game” thing. And here we go to the Pink Pony. He kisses me in the parking lot of The Local before we get in our cars.
Oh and he doesn’t have enough cash to get into Pink Pony. So I pay. I also pay for our drinks there….but honestly- I don’t care in the grand scheme of things because it was a fucking blast!
I always thought strip clubs were like, walk into a dark shady place with a couple old creepy dude sitting alone and one girl comes out on stage, does a little dance, leaves, another girl comes out, dances, leaves…etc
UMMMM NO! When we walk in there are naked women EVERYWHERE. Just standing around talking to people. BUTT ASS NAKED. I’m like here in my teacher-y looking outfit and glasses looking like SO out of place.
The place is PACKED with young people. To one side of us is a bachelorette party and the other is a group of young drunk fun white guys. Both parties are like eating up that this cute young couple, one being a teacher, has walked into a strip club at 1am on a Sunday too.
We all do shots. My shot was…..different. The girls were overly sweet to me. The shot girl straddles me and I’m just awkwardly sitting there with my hands at my side and she literally takes my hand and puts them on her and says, you can touch me sweetheart. Then I have to take my shot BETWEEN HER BREASTS! I was like…um this is only a $5 shot?! I gave her $20. She deserved it. Good lord.
As I start getting more and more wasted, I begin nicknaming the girls after disney princesses. I’m like: oooh get my pricess Jasmine! I want a shot from her!
The girls covered in tattoos were the most gorgeous to me. So opposite of me. It was beautiful and intriguing and different. They all looked like stunning models.
And I liked being flirted with the girls in front of the model. I got off watching him watch me enjoy myself. It was new and kinky and fun.
We stumble back to my place….yes in the summer I lived at home…I don’t really remember anything that happened once we got back but I really wanted to have sex I remember. He tells me I gave him the best blow job of his life. He tells that to my multiple times over the course of us knowing each other. One time I was at dinner with opera colleagues and my phone was brand new, so when he texted me that sentence on that day, it pops up on my phone, on the dinner table, for EVERYONE to read. Oops.
But since I’ve been single, every guy tells me that. I’ll pat myself on the back for that. I honestly do enjoy giving the person I’m with pleasure- maybe that’s why? I’m not just doing the motion.