Five first dates-one week-five awesome makeout sessions

For some reason, I have been on a spur of first dates. All pretty great dates. All over 6 hours in length, lots of drinking and fun first kisses. BUT I’m already just not sure if any of these are going anywhere……..maybe I’m just a great first date and then I’m just some random girl these guys text every now and then.

The hot Indian

The Kohl’s guy

The hot Italian

The golfer

The wrestler

shoulder

So the hot dudes….fuck I’m tellin ya. Hot. Hot. Hot. Just very good looking dudes. BUT when it comes to that though they have VERY high confidence. Doesn’t really seem like these guys want anything but fun.

The hot Indian goes to work out of state M-R every week anyways, so like how is that gonna work? He’s three years younger than me too.

The hot Italian- we did video games at a bar, I’m talking Mortal Kombat, Jurassic Park etc. So freaking fun. AND karaoke at another bar. ANd ate fried artichoke hearts lol

HE was the one who put the brakes on in the makeout. At first I was like, huh ok maybe he’s just not into me. THEN he goes- I like you. I actually really like you. Let’s take this slow.

swoon

He was in the army. Has a couple scars. Has traveled the world. Good Italian boy, loves his mother. Has three brothers. Very easy to talk to. I couldn’t get enough.

BUT next day- I don’t hear from him at all……until 5am when I get not one, not two but THREE DICK PICS from him. He’s drunk……bruh.

nothank

Ok yea but they were kinda hot pics tho…….

horny

The Kohl’s guy manages a Kohl’s store. He has a son. He was the worst of them all. He took me back to his place and played shitty Goo Goo Dolls on his acoustic guitar and tried pushing it too far in our makeout. When I said I was heading out for the night, we whined SO much about it saying I didn’t actually like him. I mean, it was fun to kiss him but like dude……

OH and he just randomly grabbed one of my boobs as I’m walking out for the night, and goes Oh yea just wanted to see if they were real.

creeped

The wrestler isn’t actually a wrestler. He referees local amateur wrestling things. He’s from Atlanta area originally too. I’m talking the fake wrestling, like WWE. At the age of 28. Heehee. But he took me on a great first date. A Braves game! It was a blast. His mom and sister are artists too so he has a great respect for it. We kissed on my front porch. Very sweet.

kristenwi

The golfer was last night. He just moved here like THIS week. But we matched when he was visiting before and apartment shopping. He’s a manager for the caddy department at a golf course in Buckhead. He’s very handsome but I can tell he’s balding already. He also has a tattoo of the Metallica symbol on his chest he told me about that he regrets. Wah wah.

I kissed him first actually. The last guy I did that with was the set dresser. I never kiss first. Not sure what inspired me. He was very funny and sarcastic and we kept doing this thing where we mimicked like the worst people ever on dates. Like “fuck boys” where they like lick their lips when talking or raise their eyebrows lol and then for me it was girls that talk very vocal-fry Kim Kardashian style. He has a redneck side for sure. Grew up on a farm. OH and he’s also that guy where he as showed up to online dates in the past, saw the girl before she saw him, didn’t find her attractive, and walked out and never texted her again. I can’t imagine ever doing that…..maybe I should sometimes though lol

deuces

The WORST date I’ve ever been on

About three weeks ago, the first date I went on after the drama that was the set dresser, I went on the WORST FUCKING DATE ever.

He was an artist, super handsome, tall scrawny guy in his early thirties. We matched on okcupid and then again on tinder and that’s when the ball kinda got rolling with conversation because it was like “Oh haha we must like each other with double matches.”

We chatted and he seemed charming and we spoke on the phone and then on a Monday, we facetimed too.

We were having some people over at my house and I told him after we facetimed that after he was done hanging with his buddies, he should swing by and have a beer here too.

He came over and I had had some beers, and it was clear he also had had some beers. We had two more on my porch swing and it seemed to click. He asked if I wanted to go out too. So we went over to a bar five minutes away. He stopped at the gas station to pick up cigarettes..bleh, again? Why do I keep finding the smokers? Set dresser, snowboarder, my four and half year relationship- huge smokers.

gross

We get to the bar and have a shot with some people sitting next to us in a big group. About an hour in red flags started.

He started slurring his words at one point and I teased him about it and mimicked it. He goes, “Is that supposed to be funny?” Umm….

I was like, I’m not being serious, I’m just being flirtatious and teasing you. He says- I don’t like sarcasm, I’m a scorpio. HUH?!

shockedcomm

THEN, a little later he goes, Why do you keep checking out other guys at the bar?

Wait, huh? Why would I do that? I’m here with YOU, I want to be here with YOU, why would I “check out other guys” on our first date, esepcially right in front of you? That doesn’t make any sense.

He says- well you keep looking around when you talk.

Right…I do…because it would be CREEPY to stare at someone you’re talking to every single second.

He says, well I would put my arm around you so people knew we were together, but I just feel like people would wonder ‘well what’s wrong with him, like why is he with someone that looks like that, there must be something weird with his personality I guess.’

ohno

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Someone who “looks like that”???

He goes- Yea well, you know you could lose a few pounds.

shockedjoey

You have GOT TO BE SHITTING ME DUDE. I’m a size 10. Fuck off. Wow. I’m like- that is no freaking way to talk to someone, especially a girl you’re on a freaking first date with.

He says- well do you think you’ll do something about it? I mean, I couldn’t live with myself like that. I mean you’re bigger than ME.

Fuck my ass, really man? Yea- I’m bigger than you, I have curves and you’re a skinny scrawny dude. I’m a beautiful person and I am leaving, this is absolutley inappropriate.

He says- if you leave right now, I’m not paying for this stuff. So you’re basically robbing this bar if you get up and walk out right now.

fuckisthis

Wow….red flags galore. Just wow. Now I’m drunk AND I’m nervous.

I say okkkkkkk, I’m actually just gonna go to the bathroom then actually. But instead I went and found those original people who had the shot with us. Told them what was going on and how uncomfortable he was making me feel and that I just didn’t want to be around him anymore.

The waitress overhears this and explodes. Goes over to him and starts screaming: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! HOW DARE YOU?! THATS NOT HOW WE FUCKING TALK TO WOMEN IN THIS BAR THATSĀ  A BEAUTIFUL GIRL OVER THERE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GET THE FUCK OUT and etc

HE gets up and gets in her face and starts screaming GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU blah blah blah

tay

He comes around the bar to try and come get me and this big dude gets in his way and is saying- you’re not going near her dude, get out.

He finally storms out. I’m in tears at this point just MORTIFIED. Turns out the big dude is the OWNER of the bar. Tells me to not worry about anything we had to drink, it’s on him and he was so sorry that that had happened to me and got me all the rest of my drinks that night.

I got escorted out to my uber in case that guy was outside. I cried when I got home again. What the fuck just happened to me? How did I let this guy over to my HOUSE and DRIVE me to this bar. How was I so trusting?

I came away from the whole thing learning a lot. But the biggest thing I learned came from my mom’s observation of it all. A couple months ago, when a guy treated me like shit, I put up with it. I made excuses. That night, as SOON as it started, I said no. No this is not happening. I will not stand for this. And when I felt like I couldn’t get out of it safely or ok- I got help. And it worked.

Sometimes I look for his car when I’m leaving my house still. I don’t even remember his name anymore. He was a valet boy. And 32. An “artist”

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