It’s thunder and it’s lightning

And it’s all things that’s frightening. —–We were promised jetpacks

Went to that concert (those are the lyrics to one of their songs above) last week with Chris Pratt. Started listening to them with TSD (the set dresser) in February. And yep, he was the first person we run into at the concert. I should have known.

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I continue to get hammered because I’m red, my heart is racing and I just can’t believe I’ve run into him while I’m on a date. I THEN drunk text him. I told him he looked rough and I hope he was doing ok. Then I said “we hope you’re doing ok” (Whyyyyyy) And he texts back- WE? Like you and your boyfriends, fuck that phony shit, fuck off.

When I get back home Chris Pratt and I did have the best kisses we ever had. I think he gained his confidence back or something. It was dominant and incredibly sexy.

But what does my drunk ass do? Oh well when he leaves for the night, I proceed to text and have the sound engineer over. Then WE makeout for hours and we decide to have sex for the first time. He’s going to Mexico for two weeks today. I think we had sex, but not really….he couldn’t keep it up enough to really get it started.

THEN when he leaves, as always when he gets embarrassed, I text the set dresser to come over!!! What the fuck is wrong with me.

A couple days later he starts texting and then calling me. He’s on drugs and wasted at a bar down the street and saying he’s going to drive. I tell him to stop and I drop everything to go and get him. Embarrassing. I should have ignored him.

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At the bar, he tells me about how he got a girlfriend a week after telling me he didn’t want, didn’t have time for and didn’t ever want a girlfriend. He “doesn’t know what makes her fit better for him.” But now they’re on a break because she’s always out of town.

He tells me about how he hasn’t left his house in three days. That he hasn’t been eating. Hasn’t been getting work. That he shouldn’t have gone out in public anyways.

Guess who gets drunk and sleeps with him? I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I couldn’t sleep after it. He couldn’t finish. He was so messed up.

 

I take him back to his car the next day and we decide to go shopping together. He tells me he doesn’t like what I’m wearing and to go home and change. Yep. When I get home he doesn’t answer my call to see where to meet him.

Two hours later, he texts me to come over. I do. God damnit.

We have sex and he doesn’t let me finish. I ask him to after he cleans up. He says no.

We go to dinner, I have to pay because he doesn’t have any money. I ask him to get off of his phone so we can talk more since we’re at this nice sit down restaurant. He tells me I’m an attention whore.

He then tells me I’m eating too slow and I must be doing it on purpose, so he gets up and waits in the car leaving me there alone while I pay and finish my drink.

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In the car, he tells me about how this is why he hates this. That this is why he doesn’t want a girlfriend. Because I’m passive aggressive. I explain- What would even be my motivation to piss you off at dinner? I’m there to be with you and enjoy my evening. What would I even get out of pissing off someone I’m together with on purpose. He snaps, we’re not together. I say- I didn’t mean TOGETHER TOGETHER, like we are at dinner together, like I could be at dinner together with my mom or my friend. Fuck dude chill out.

I apologize for being passive aggressive. He starts bringing up our big fight and break up in May in the parking lot. Asking if I remembered how I acted in the parking lot that day, bringing my roommate to make me feel better. Making a scene. He says, once a person acts like that I lose all respect for them. You can’t trust people who behave through their emotions likes that. I said You’re one to speak, I acted like that because you pushed me to that point because of how shitty you treated me, because of the emotional abuse that drove to many nights of crying. That I didn’t want to break up with you alone and I had my roommate wait in the car with me for support. That because you wouldn’t come pick me up to get my car, I HAD to get a ride from my roommate back to his house anways. Because you threatened to leave my car keys in a bush instead of waiting for me to come pick them up because your life is so important and you had errands to run.

He says he just wants to be alone. I leave and cry an hour at home over a bottle of wine. Alone.

jj

 

We didn’t even last 24 hours before arguing. But this isn’t arguing. There was no thing we disagreed about really. This is just a person who is a jerk and me trying to…..lose all my self respect?

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