Oh, there was worse?!

Looking at my last post in early December and saying I was at the bottom. Nope! Now I am, who knows, next month it might be even worse. Lawd help this girl.

I got dumped by Chris Pratt about 6 dates in. Perfectly fine dinner date and at the car kissing goodnight he says he just doesn’t feel anything for me that way but that I’m hot and cool.

He texts me later asking me if I think he should get a haircut. You know, for the next girl. Dude, BYE. I’m already embarrassed enough.

Well at least he told me early on?

Still hanging around the set dresser these days. I guess you could say we are exclusive at this time. When he works, he is completely MIA. No calls, no texts. For days at a time. When he is off work, he HAS to hang out. Do his errands with me, eat all his meals with me. I HAVE to come over. And I give in every time.

My fear is that I love him. Because I put his needs and wants before my own. That’s horrifying.

I started AA last week. Going to my fourth meeting tonight. Been sober 10 days. I don’t have the shakes or any of those symptoms. I just look back on my last year and my shittiest decisions and my shittiest things that happened to me involved alcohol. I need to take a step back. I have hurt people this last year when I am drunk. Not physically. Just shit I would do and say that I would never have done sober.

Can anyone relate to this?

I think that this self care and self exploration is actually going to distance me more and more from the set dresser as I gain the confidence to step away from him and stop giving into when he wants attention after craving it for days when he ignores me or doesn’t have time for me.

One day at a time.