The army guy

This is from EIGHT MONTHS AGO and looks like it never published……So here you go folks:

It’s pretty good actually- ran into The Beatle and the Chef in this story lol

 

 

Met him on Tinder and we were gonna meet a few times in EAV but I was always booked. He said he was gonna be busy a few weeks then so I figured we just probably wouldn’t connect.

Few weeks later, there he is. And we even rematch on tinder, since I deleted it for a bit too. It was like- oh yea I remember how cute he is. Oh yea and he speaks freaking fluent French and Spanish too.

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So he asks to meet me at Wrecking Bar…yea the actor is probably gonna be working there that night- a Friday.

I arrive, the army guy is late. Crap there’s the actor. He hasn’t responded to anything I’ve sent him in weeks. Since the last time I had a guy there at that restaurant. He avoids me in the way that he’s like PISSED at me. Not even in the little boy embarrassed way like last time.

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Thank GOD he’s not our server. The army guy is cute but I honestly was distracted. But after our second drink he starts winning me over. He has lots of stuff that is interesting about him. Lived in so many countries.

We go to Jack’s afterwards and start kissing at the bar. And I mean kissing. He has no shame. This table next to us even talk about it. I don’t care either honestly. It’s fun and flirtatious. We go out to my car after the bar has closed and my fucking car is dead….battery done. Nothing.

It starts raining. Fucking fuck. Really?

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I go tap on a guy’s window who’s waiting in his car and turns out he’s an Uber driver and is required to have jumper cables. The guys fix the car and 25 minutes later I’m handing the uber driver two new lottery scratch offs and 4 bucks…all I had on me.

We kiss more in the car saying goodnight and I start to notice my face is hurting, like it burns a little. Gosh it’s his like army stubble face. He doesn’t have a beard beard. It’s like he has to keep it shaved most of the time, but he hasn’t shaved in a week and it really burns my face and has been rubbing against my skin for like two hours straight now. Ouch.

I go out the next Sunday and have a shitty shit night missing this band I had tickets to see for two months. Never found a date to go with me. They start playing at 9:30…I arrive at 9:50 and they’re on their last song. The Beatle is there. I asked him to go with me. No, he’s going with his dudes. He only says hi to me. But at least he’s the one who told me to get my ass in an uber because they were getting on stage.

I’m pretty disappointed I missed it and dropped $45 and start drinking at the bar and text The Beatle to come over with me. He doesn’t. He doesn’t even say bye to me. I know he sees me there. Maybe he was there with a girl too and I just didn’t notice. Haven’t heard from him since.

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I start making friends with the bartender and texting guys to come meet me- I must salvage this night!

The army guys says he lives right around the corner from where I am. Next thing I see two missed calls from him- shit he’s here! I run out of the venue and into his car. I’m pretty wasted already. The bartender sympathized with my story and over poured all my drinks.

We go to Tin Roof Cantina- just over the Dekalb county line so it’s open till 3:30 am NOT midnight like all of the Fulton bars.

We kiss often at the bar. When I go to the restroom, someone grabs my arm- the chef! I told him I might go there…he said he was too tired…crap he MUST have seen me with the army guy. I get caught up talking to the chef and he said he decided to come out and get to-go food. Weird kinda. I mean, I would have gone with him but he declined, and then he shows up anyways hoping to see me there or something?

Then I realize I’ve left the army guy at the bar for like 15 minutes alone! Goddamnit me! I hug the chef and run back and tell him how I had run into a friend.

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So just to be clear here….This is the FOURTH guy I’ve dated multiple times that I’ve seen Sunday.

He takes me back home and it’s all a blur honestly. But I do learn that he loves to pleasure his woman. So that was…nice!!!! Yes sir! He was too drunk to receive it back though- you know what I mean, boys. Why is it rare for a guy to actually enjoy going down on a girl? Why is it that ALL girls do it but guys SOMETIMES do it? That’s fucking stupid by the way. End rant on that.

As I’ve been sick at home he’s checked in on me through text. He sends me a picture of his new car- he had been in an accident- and he jokingly asks me what I should nickname “her.”

Then a few hours later I go on tinder and he’s posted the SAME picture and asked the SAME thing on his “moments” (it’s like a thing where you put a picture and caption up and it stays up for 24 hours for people you’re matched with to like or dislike- usually a selfie or a shot of you out with friends etc)

Kinda dumb asking me the SAME question with the SAME pictures dude. Haven’t heard from him since I called him out on that…..

 

 

HERES THE UPDATE:

When I started getting serious with the set dresser, I got pissed at him for bailing on plans and invited the army guy over. We made out on the porch swing and I ignored the set dressers phone calls all night.

It started a huge fight because I had “cheated” again except we were not even officially together. Which was confusing and annoying and unfair.

AGAIN- the army guy couldn’t keep it up but he satisfied me well and we had fun and he even took me out to dinner AFTER the hookup and let me say goodnight at the car instead of letting him back up for more.

 

He moved. To another country. Learned about it not from him, but from a Tinder moment where he said “goodbye ATL!”

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The Porter Guy

So my best friend and I are at The Porter inĀ  Little Five Points. Cute guy sitting next to us on a date.

Get home later, this guy has messaged me on okcupid- Were you just at the Porter? I kept looking at you every time my date walked away which I know is bad.

Anyways- we start chatting and we end up meeting at like midnight later that night! I was already in my pjs and everything. But I like spontaneity. And he’s handsome.

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We meet and bar hop around L5P bars and hit it off. He tells me he hasn’t had many second dates. So….why?

Well turns out he’s 30 and just gotten his first real job, just moved out of his parents and also lost almost 200 lbs this year. Woah. He shows me a picture of what he used to look like and it’s unreal. Just not the same person.

He was something like 315? So his confidence levels, his suaveness on dates- really non existent because he’s never really dated until this year.

He asks to kiss me, but I decline and say I’d like to wait. At the end of the night he asks again and we do, but he’s too handsy and his tongue is all over the place. How many girls has he actually kisses……..?

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He’s very sweet though and I accept a dinner date with him the next week. I haven’t laughed so much with someone in a long time. We are really hitting it off. He looks like Chris Pratt a little bit I figure out.

We see some comedy with that same best friend I was out with and have a good time. The kiss at the end of the night was short and sweet and better…..but it’s because Tally guy was there! He shows up at comedy too and asks me to go out with him to another bar.

When I say Oh I’m hanging out with my friends I guess he heads out. When I’m at the car kissing Chris Pratt goodnight- he’s right there! Tally guy. Ooops?

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Third time I hang out with Pratt, we watch the Walking Dead at a local bar and don’t get much time to talk. He was more awkward this time. Making fun of me being in the drama club in high school and joking about how competitions for drama could even exist and who even goes to stuff like that. I didn’t get it.

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I also ate something too spicy for me and he over joked about that too. After returning from the bathroom at one point, he had already paid his own tab and said he was heading out. Guess we weren’t on a date? I give him a peck and haven’t seen him since. We text but…..I don’t know. It’s just off for some reason…..

Three dates in one night

New record y’all!

Unfortunately.

So the first date, I can’t even remember what he does for a job. Let’s call him the cute Highlands dude. We had been talking for MONTHS on and off. And he never followed through with meeting me. Like why did we even exchange numbers dude?

If I give you my number, we are meeting within a week. Don’t waste my time. Because we might totally not click in person. So this whole text flirting thing is just a waste of time.

I finally gave him an ultimatum after not hearing from him for a few weeks. Take me out tonight or you’re out of my phone. Ok he says.

At dinner with my mom, he texts me he has to cancel and that he knows he blew it. So I go home and I get this text around the time we were supposed to have met. It’s him at a bar with his friends. Ummmmmm.

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He says that his work buddies forced him out and I should come and join. And I do……we meet somewhere else though just the two of us.

He’s already pretty buzzed and we proceed to do shots. He’s very touchy and complimentary for someone I’ve known for ten minutes. I tell him not to dare kiss me on the lips at a bar as our first kiss.So he grabs me as soon as we walk out of the door and does it. Eh.

I forced him to allow me drive him home because he is too drunk. It’s like 10:30 at night. He keeps trying to get in my pants in his apartment and I get him to sleep and text Tally guy to come hang out with me somewhere so I can salvage my night.

Next day cute Highlands guy texts me saying sorry he was an ass and he doesn’t remember much. He hasn’t followed up trying to make it up to me. But he does still text me.

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So I go out and meet Tally guy who STILL hasn’t kissed me. This will be our fourth time hanging out. He does the same shit as usual, walking away for large chunks of time, knows everyone everywhere but doesn’t really introduce me, doesn’t pay for any of our drinks.

When we go to our second place and he starts doing coke again, I start texting a third guy to come hang out with me. I tell Tally guy I’ve gotta go see a friend and he’s like, cool I’ll come with you. I go to the bathroom to try to strategize how I’ll get out of this.

He still hasn’t kissed me. I don’t even know what this dude wants! To drink with my money? To have a cute girl near him?

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I basically just walk back up and give him his shit I was holding for him back and tell him I’ll be right back.

I meet this new guy, let’s call him Young Glasses because I don’t remember what he does either. I was pretty drunk by then, it’s midnight. I’ve never met this guy before. My gf is the bartender at the bar we are at and shots continue again. I can’t really remember much about him but he was a good kisser.

We go back to his SHIT HOLE house. Like six guys living there, walking distance from the bar, mattress on the floor, milk crates holding his clothes. Pass out and he drives me back to my car the next morning.

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Haven’t heard much from him since. I wouldn’t wanna go back to that roach place though. Even though he was really cute.

I ummmm had to take the next day off of work to recover from that shit show of lame boys though. Oh, and this huge ass bruise I got on my thigh from trying to crawl on the stage dancing with Tally guy. Thought I had broke something honestly. I’m ok now. Looks like a solar system on my leg. Brutal.

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Tally guy

Tally as in Tallahasseee. I’m a Tallahassee Lassie actually so me and this guy have many mutual friends.

Last week we met up last minute to see some stand up comedy. When he came and sat next to me at the bar, he got up and just walked away after a few minutes. I literally thought, ok he hates me and he’s just leaving- ok…..

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But he went outside to smoke…..but he didn’t say anything! I mean I know we were watching a show, but wouldn’t you say something? Like Hey I’ll be right back.

When he got back he recognized the two people next to me as Tally people too and we all went outside and chatted and reminisced of the good ol capital city.

We all stuck together all night. So I actually never had a conversation with him. I figured he was just more comfortable with that. And I did like that couple we were with. My second time ever at the Clairmont Lounge too!

AGAIN- he walked away from me there. Just started wondering off. For like ten minutes!

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Is he high?

We went to another bar across the street and he did it again! No saying anything- just strolling away. Leaving me with his two friends who were slowly becomming my friends too.

When we all went back to his friend’s house after the bars closed I’m thinking ok it’s 3am and we’ve been together since 9:30 so he must be getting really annoyed with me or is really just shy because I CANNOT tell if he’s into me at all still. I say I’m gonna uber home but he says no no I’ll drive you.

A bro hug. It’s 5 am and I was given a bro hug. After like over 7 hours of hanging out.

Yep this guy’s not into me.

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But then he texts when I get home and I call him out on it- you know you could have kissed me. He says he didn’t get that vibe from me!

I don’t even hear from him all week so I just start figuring that was an excuse. No big deal.

But then he calls me this week and decide to meet up at another comedy show. Again- the disappearing thing. Over and over. This time, there are no people to distract me as much like last time. The standing around by myself is like unbearably weird.

I go back to his place- a shit show- his place, not me. I pass out and we both kept our clothes on the entire time. He doesn’t try ANYTHING. I’m so confused. He says he likes to take it slow. We finally cuddle after what seems like hours of both of us being awake but just lying there with our eyes closed awkwardly.

The next morning he makes me coffee and eggs and drives me back to my car. Takes my hand and kisses it. While he’s on the phone….Like it’s a sweet gesture but I was like GET OFF THE PHONE.

He texts me later that he looks forward to next time.

I don’t know……we’ll see.

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The WORST date I’ve ever been on

About three weeks ago, the first date I went on after the drama that was the set dresser, I went on the WORST FUCKING DATE ever.

He was an artist, super handsome, tall scrawny guy in his early thirties. We matched on okcupid and then again on tinder and that’s when the ball kinda got rolling with conversation because it was like “Oh haha we must like each other with double matches.”

We chatted and he seemed charming and we spoke on the phone and then on a Monday, we facetimed too.

We were having some people over at my house and I told him after we facetimed that after he was done hanging with his buddies, he should swing by and have a beer here too.

He came over and I had had some beers, and it was clear he also had had some beers. We had two more on my porch swing and it seemed to click. He asked if I wanted to go out too. So we went over to a bar five minutes away. He stopped at the gas station to pick up cigarettes..bleh, again? Why do I keep finding the smokers? Set dresser, snowboarder, my four and half year relationship- huge smokers.

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We get to the bar and have a shot with some people sitting next to us in a big group. About an hour in red flags started.

He started slurring his words at one point and I teased him about it and mimicked it. He goes, “Is that supposed to be funny?” Umm….

I was like, I’m not being serious, I’m just being flirtatious and teasing you. He says- I don’t like sarcasm, I’m a scorpio. HUH?!

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THEN, a little later he goes, Why do you keep checking out other guys at the bar?

Wait, huh? Why would I do that? I’m here with YOU, I want to be here with YOU, why would I “check out other guys” on our first date, esepcially right in front of you? That doesn’t make any sense.

He says- well you keep looking around when you talk.

Right…I do…because it would be CREEPY to stare at someone you’re talking to every single second.

He says, well I would put my arm around you so people knew we were together, but I just feel like people would wonder ‘well what’s wrong with him, like why is he with someone that looks like that, there must be something weird with his personality I guess.’

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WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Someone who “looks like that”???

He goes- Yea well, you know you could lose a few pounds.

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You have GOT TO BE SHITTING ME DUDE. I’m a size 10. Fuck off. Wow. I’m like- that is no freaking way to talk to someone, especially a girl you’re on a freaking first date with.

He says- well do you think you’ll do something about it? I mean, I couldn’t live with myself like that. I mean you’re bigger than ME.

Fuck my ass, really man? Yea- I’m bigger than you, I have curves and you’re a skinny scrawny dude. I’m a beautiful person and I am leaving, this is absolutley inappropriate.

He says- if you leave right now, I’m not paying for this stuff. So you’re basically robbing this bar if you get up and walk out right now.

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Wow….red flags galore. Just wow. Now I’m drunk AND I’m nervous.

I say okkkkkkk, I’m actually just gonna go to the bathroom then actually. But instead I went and found those original people who had the shot with us. Told them what was going on and how uncomfortable he was making me feel and that I just didn’t want to be around him anymore.

The waitress overhears this and explodes. Goes over to him and starts screaming: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! HOW DARE YOU?! THATS NOT HOW WE FUCKING TALK TO WOMEN IN THIS BAR THATSĀ  A BEAUTIFUL GIRL OVER THERE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GET THE FUCK OUT and etc

HE gets up and gets in her face and starts screaming GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU blah blah blah

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He comes around the bar to try and come get me and this big dude gets in his way and is saying- you’re not going near her dude, get out.

He finally storms out. I’m in tears at this point just MORTIFIED. Turns out the big dude is the OWNER of the bar. Tells me to not worry about anything we had to drink, it’s on him and he was so sorry that that had happened to me and got me all the rest of my drinks that night.

I got escorted out to my uber in case that guy was outside. I cried when I got home again. What the fuck just happened to me? How did I let this guy over to my HOUSE and DRIVE me to this bar. How was I so trusting?

I came away from the whole thing learning a lot. But the biggest thing I learned came from my mom’s observation of it all. A couple months ago, when a guy treated me like shit, I put up with it. I made excuses. That night, as SOON as it started, I said no. No this is not happening. I will not stand for this. And when I felt like I couldn’t get out of it safely or ok- I got help. And it worked.

Sometimes I look for his car when I’m leaving my house still. I don’t even remember his name anymore. He was a valet boy. And 32. An “artist”

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Summer lovin: The model part 2

So I get pretty sick as many of you know right at the end of the summer. I’m pretty MIA and when the model comes into town in September…yes…I was MIA a while….I tell him he can come on over to my place.

I’m still not feeling well and tell him before he arrives that I’m not interested in doing anything intimate, no drinking, nothing. He proceeds to act like a total asshole pushing me and pushing me to do things in bed with him. To the point that I ask him to leave. I tell him I’ll call him but I don’t plan on it. I mean I’ve never ever had to ask a guy to leave.

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I don’t answer his texts. His calls. He’s getting pissed.

Couple months go by and he starts telling me that photos we have exchanged…which I honestly don’t remember what they were…he tells me he’s going to post them online. Wow. Just wow. I’m being threatened.

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So from having a crazy fun spontaneous first date to being threatened to be posted on porn websites….awesome job me. I sure know how to pick ’em.

Needless to say I stopped dating September through the end of December.

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The last thing I heard from the guy who sent me that most recent dick pic was a text saying “you suck,” probably because I never responded to him. Oooooh you burnt me!

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Then he asks for my blog link after seeing me mention it on facebook. I warn him that he’s in the blog. He says that’s fine.

What happens next was quite a surprise…………

“Your writing is very interesting. Catchy I must say….and you are absoluetly right, I am an ass.”

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“I sincerely apologize for that pic, it was not appropriate.”

“….really that’s not the way to treat a lady or a friend or anybody. Never really looked at it from the opposite perspective…”

“….made me realize how thoughtless and degrading that could be…..I hope you accept my apology because I feel foolish.”

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“Please don’t put this in your blog”

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Ok ok I asked him permission to at least write a synopsis of this and he agreed. I’m not a total meanie.