Professional success

I will say with all this personal disgrace and poor life choices dating wise, I am having a lot of professional success. My best art shows I’ve ever had.

I’m so jaded in my dating life. Just really at the bottom. In a future post, I may go into it more. But I currently carry two pepper sprays now because of an incident with a date two months ago. And I still date. I still online date. Even after that.

Chris Pratt came to my art show Friday night. No one’s done that since the set dresser in May. When the TSD came, he was hungover, sat at my booth on his phone, told me I was talking to loud to the shoppers and left before it was over because he felt sick.

When Chris Pratt came, he brought me food and drink. I had been texting him how tired I was starting to feel. Didn’t ask for food and drink but he knew it would hit the spot and picked it up on the way. Dang. Is this what being around a good guy is like?

After the show wrapped up, he walked me to my car and asked if we could have a beer together. It was really nice and I laughed so much with him. Our kisses that night were very sweet and soft. I really hope I get to see him again soon. He was the only person who texted me yesterday asking how my student’s holiday recitals went. A good number of guys I’m dating knew I was doing that yesterday but no one else asked about it.

My roommate says I should stop looking for love. That it will happen when I’m least looking for it. That I deserve a good guy. That’s a big deal coming from him. He’s the roommate that I don’t get along with often.


The army guy

This is from EIGHT MONTHS AGO and looks like it never published……So here you go folks:

It’s pretty good actually- ran into The Beatle and the Chef in this story lol



Met him on Tinder and we were gonna meet a few times in EAV but I was always booked. He said he was gonna be busy a few weeks then so I figured we just probably wouldn’t connect.

Few weeks later, there he is. And we even rematch on tinder, since I deleted it for a bit too. It was like- oh yea I remember how cute he is. Oh yea and he speaks freaking fluent French and Spanish too.


So he asks to meet me at Wrecking Bar…yea the actor is probably gonna be working there that night- a Friday.

I arrive, the army guy is late. Crap there’s the actor. He hasn’t responded to anything I’ve sent him in weeks. Since the last time I had a guy there at that restaurant. He avoids me in the way that he’s like PISSED at me. Not even in the little boy embarrassed way like last time.


Thank GOD he’s not our server. The army guy is cute but I honestly was distracted. But after our second drink he starts winning me over. He has lots of stuff that is interesting about him. Lived in so many countries.

We go to Jack’s afterwards and start kissing at the bar. And I mean kissing. He has no shame. This table next to us even talk about it. I don’t care either honestly. It’s fun and flirtatious. We go out to my car after the bar has closed and my fucking car is dead….battery done. Nothing.

It starts raining. Fucking fuck. Really?


I go tap on a guy’s window who’s waiting in his car and turns out he’s an Uber driver and is required to have jumper cables. The guys fix the car and 25 minutes later I’m handing the uber driver two new lottery scratch offs and 4 bucks…all I had on me.

We kiss more in the car saying goodnight and I start to notice my face is hurting, like it burns a little. Gosh it’s his like army stubble face. He doesn’t have a beard beard. It’s like he has to keep it shaved most of the time, but he hasn’t shaved in a week and it really burns my face and has been rubbing against my skin for like two hours straight now. Ouch.

I go out the next Sunday and have a shitty shit night missing this band I had tickets to see for two months. Never found a date to go with me. They start playing at 9:30…I arrive at 9:50 and they’re on their last song. The Beatle is there. I asked him to go with me. No, he’s going with his dudes. He only says hi to me. But at least he’s the one who told me to get my ass in an uber because they were getting on stage.

I’m pretty disappointed I missed it and dropped $45 and start drinking at the bar and text The Beatle to come over with me. He doesn’t. He doesn’t even say bye to me. I know he sees me there. Maybe he was there with a girl too and I just didn’t notice. Haven’t heard from him since.


I start making friends with the bartender and texting guys to come meet me- I must salvage this night!

The army guys says he lives right around the corner from where I am. Next thing I see two missed calls from him- shit he’s here! I run out of the venue and into his car. I’m pretty wasted already. The bartender sympathized with my story and over poured all my drinks.

We go to Tin Roof Cantina- just over the Dekalb county line so it’s open till 3:30 am NOT midnight like all of the Fulton bars.

We kiss often at the bar. When I go to the restroom, someone grabs my arm- the chef! I told him I might go there…he said he was too tired…crap he MUST have seen me with the army guy. I get caught up talking to the chef and he said he decided to come out and get to-go food. Weird kinda. I mean, I would have gone with him but he declined, and then he shows up anyways hoping to see me there or something?

Then I realize I’ve left the army guy at the bar for like 15 minutes alone! Goddamnit me! I hug the chef and run back and tell him how I had run into a friend.


So just to be clear here….This is the FOURTH guy I’ve dated multiple times that I’ve seen Sunday.

He takes me back home and it’s all a blur honestly. But I do learn that he loves to pleasure his woman. So that was…nice!!!! Yes sir! He was too drunk to receive it back though- you know what I mean, boys. Why is it rare for a guy to actually enjoy going down on a girl? Why is it that ALL girls do it but guys SOMETIMES do it? That’s fucking stupid by the way. End rant on that.

As I’ve been sick at home he’s checked in on me through text. He sends me a picture of his new car- he had been in an accident- and he jokingly asks me what I should nickname “her.”

Then a few hours later I go on tinder and he’s posted the SAME picture and asked the SAME thing on his “moments” (it’s like a thing where you put a picture and caption up and it stays up for 24 hours for people you’re matched with to like or dislike- usually a selfie or a shot of you out with friends etc)

Kinda dumb asking me the SAME question with the SAME pictures dude. Haven’t heard from him since I called him out on that…..




When I started getting serious with the set dresser, I got pissed at him for bailing on plans and invited the army guy over. We made out on the porch swing and I ignored the set dressers phone calls all night.

It started a huge fight because I had “cheated” again except we were not even officially together. Which was confusing and annoying and unfair.

AGAIN- the army guy couldn’t keep it up but he satisfied me well and we had fun and he even took me out to dinner AFTER the hookup and let me say goodnight at the car instead of letting him back up for more.


He moved. To another country. Learned about it not from him, but from a Tinder moment where he said “goodbye ATL!”

The Porter Guy

So my best friend and I are at The Porter inĀ  Little Five Points. Cute guy sitting next to us on a date.

Get home later, this guy has messaged me on okcupid- Were you just at the Porter? I kept looking at you every time my date walked away which I know is bad.

Anyways- we start chatting and we end up meeting at like midnight later that night! I was already in my pjs and everything. But I like spontaneity. And he’s handsome.


We meet and bar hop around L5P bars and hit it off. He tells me he hasn’t had many second dates. So….why?

Well turns out he’s 30 and just gotten his first real job, just moved out of his parents and also lost almost 200 lbs this year. Woah. He shows me a picture of what he used to look like and it’s unreal. Just not the same person.

He was something like 315? So his confidence levels, his suaveness on dates- really non existent because he’s never really dated until this year.

He asks to kiss me, but I decline and say I’d like to wait. At the end of the night he asks again and we do, but he’s too handsy and his tongue is all over the place. How many girls has he actually kisses……..?


He’s very sweet though and I accept a dinner date with him the next week. I haven’t laughed so much with someone in a long time. We are really hitting it off. He looks like Chris Pratt a little bit I figure out.

We see some comedy with that same best friend I was out with and have a good time. The kiss at the end of the night was short and sweet and better…..but it’s because Tally guy was there! He shows up at comedy too and asks me to go out with him to another bar.

When I say Oh I’m hanging out with my friends I guess he heads out. When I’m at the car kissing Chris Pratt goodnight- he’s right there! Tally guy. Ooops?


Third time I hang out with Pratt, we watch the Walking Dead at a local bar and don’t get much time to talk. He was more awkward this time. Making fun of me being in the drama club in high school and joking about how competitions for drama could even exist and who even goes to stuff like that. I didn’t get it.


I also ate something too spicy for me and he over joked about that too. After returning from the bathroom at one point, he had already paid his own tab and said he was heading out. Guess we weren’t on a date? I give him a peck and haven’t seen him since. We text but…..I don’t know. It’s just off for some reason…..

Three dates in one night

New record y’all!


So the first date, I can’t even remember what he does for a job. Let’s call him the cute Highlands dude. We had been talking for MONTHS on and off. And he never followed through with meeting me. Like why did we even exchange numbers dude?

If I give you my number, we are meeting within a week. Don’t waste my time. Because we might totally not click in person. So this whole text flirting thing is just a waste of time.

I finally gave him an ultimatum after not hearing from him for a few weeks. Take me out tonight or you’re out of my phone. Ok he says.

At dinner with my mom, he texts me he has to cancel and that he knows he blew it. So I go home and I get this text around the time we were supposed to have met. It’s him at a bar with his friends. Ummmmmm.


He says that his work buddies forced him out and I should come and join. And I do……we meet somewhere else though just the two of us.

He’s already pretty buzzed and we proceed to do shots. He’s very touchy and complimentary for someone I’ve known for ten minutes. I tell him not to dare kiss me on the lips at a bar as our first kiss.So he grabs me as soon as we walk out of the door and does it. Eh.

I forced him to allow me drive him home because he is too drunk. It’s like 10:30 at night. He keeps trying to get in my pants in his apartment and I get him to sleep and text Tally guy to come hang out with me somewhere so I can salvage my night.

Next day cute Highlands guy texts me saying sorry he was an ass and he doesn’t remember much. He hasn’t followed up trying to make it up to me. But he does still text me.


So I go out and meet Tally guy who STILL hasn’t kissed me. This will be our fourth time hanging out. He does the same shit as usual, walking away for large chunks of time, knows everyone everywhere but doesn’t really introduce me, doesn’t pay for any of our drinks.

When we go to our second place and he starts doing coke again, I start texting a third guy to come hang out with me. I tell Tally guy I’ve gotta go see a friend and he’s like, cool I’ll come with you. I go to the bathroom to try to strategize how I’ll get out of this.

He still hasn’t kissed me. I don’t even know what this dude wants! To drink with my money? To have a cute girl near him?


I basically just walk back up and give him his shit I was holding for him back and tell him I’ll be right back.

I meet this new guy, let’s call him Young Glasses because I don’t remember what he does either. I was pretty drunk by then, it’s midnight. I’ve never met this guy before. My gf is the bartender at the bar we are at and shots continue again. I can’t really remember much about him but he was a good kisser.

We go back to his SHIT HOLE house. Like six guys living there, walking distance from the bar, mattress on the floor, milk crates holding his clothes. Pass out and he drives me back to my car the next morning.


Haven’t heard much from him since. I wouldn’t wanna go back to that roach place though. Even though he was really cute.

I ummmm had to take the next day off of work to recover from that shit show of lame boys though. Oh, and this huge ass bruise I got on my thigh from trying to crawl on the stage dancing with Tally guy. Thought I had broke something honestly. I’m ok now. Looks like a solar system on my leg. Brutal.


The set dresser is on set

So I don’t hear from TSD so often anymore. He’s been back at work the last two weeks. I knew that was coming of course. But it’s weird to be in the thick of it. I get he’s doing 12 hour days…but I’d like to hear from him sometimes maybe. Even just a text??

We did hang out the ENTIRE day on his ONE day off. Sunday. I think that’s a nice sign. He came all the way up to my mom’s where I was housesitting to get me and then we ate too many tacos and passed out back at his place.

He looked at me while kissing and tells me that he really likes me. That’s different for him. It was nice. He said it was nice seeing me.


We swung on my front porch in the sun and we went shopping for him for some new clothes. I do think I like him the most. He makes me laugh. I like giving him shit about things. We tease a lot. We fit. But he’s…well you know…distant too. I mentioned to him it’s been an entire month now that we’ve been dating.

He called me today. He found out I had been out of work sick the last four days through texting. Now I know he gets off at 6pm. He could have called those other days maybe too…it’s not that hard.

But you know what- I’ve been dating other people. Met three new people last week:

The other sound guy

The enviormentalist

The army guy (HIM I LIKE)

The actor and the 39 year old

So I just got suggested to go to yet another one of the actor’s monthly improv events that he’s a part of. Damn it’s tempting.

But he’s an asshole. So freaking self absorbed. I mean- he’s an actor, it makes sense honestly. He’s really fucking hot. And he knows it.


He was my FIRST DATE after not dating for almost half a year. And you know what? I asked HIM out. I met him on Tinder and immediately gave him my number because I was so floored by his looks and his pictures of him on stage and that we had similar friends.

I went in my baggy teacher pants with like seven layers on to the EARL on a Thursday to meet him for food and drinks. I was IN AWE by his hotness. There’s no way he thinks I’m hot I was thinking. He tells me how refreshing it is to have been asked out by a girl who knows what she wants and goes for it.

After dinner we go to two other bars just eating up each other’s conversation, finding out mutual friends, travel stories, love stories, he loves Phillip Glass-yes please- I’m like HOW ARE YOU SINGLE?! He says he is just picky. I’m telling you people, he can be. He is SO. FREAKING. HANDSOME.

cant even

So he manages a bar too. Late nights, long days. We go back to his place and I assure him multiple times that I didn’t not want to hookup. He finally kisses me in his tiny little studio apartment in the highlands and sweet slow kisses start becoming hotter and faster and we are heaving with breaths just wanting to tear apart at each other. He tries multiple times to take off my clothes, but no. He’s also the first and last date I ever ever ever wore spanx on. Because obviously he felt them.

He takes his pants off twice and I tell him to put them back on. I won’t even look down I tell him. We kiss till 4am and I tell him I should leave. I go to Florida for an art show I’m in and we text a lot about how much we can’t stop thinking about each other.

We go out a few days after one of his acting workshops and play darts. He’s just so hot. He’s scruffier this time, tired but still hot. Wearing a beanie cap hat thing. Just too hot, I’m serious. I tell him he even smells of hot sex. He tells me I look like hot sex. Wow, am I actually good looking again? I am so unsure of myself. Really. I had like zero confidence.

He won’t kiss me in public. We sit on the same side of the booth and we start holding hands. I’m like this is it. This is who I’m going to be with. How lucky am I that the first guy I meet online after being single again is the one for me?

We go back to his place and kiss harder than ever. He does the whole hand around my neck thing which sends me reeling. He’s pretty dominant. It’s so new and different but I am pumping the brakes hard. He gets weird and is like I thought we were cool, I thought we talked about stuff and were ok with this. I say I should leave. We don’t stop holding each other and I tell him I want him to tell me to stay. He does.

We end up in bed and I’m so self conscious and nervous he doesn’t want me I go down on him to show him I’m the real deal. That I am something that he wants. He immediately falls asleep after I’m done. I lay there feeling embarrassed that I went ahead and did that, put on my jacket and walk out.


I’m almost back at my car and I get a text from him asking why I left. It’s like 4am at this point. We go back and forth and I tell him I felt shitty with him just falling asleep like that after we started becoming intimate. He says I’m over thinking it and that he feels like he’s always on trial with me. I do not get that comment. What does he even mean? This must be some ex girlfriend shit he’s still dealing with saying something like that to me.

He says maybe we should just move on. I go back up to his place and walk in and say- WHAT?! Really? Move on? After those kisses we’ve exchanged?! Because I KNOW you are feeling what I’m feeling and this is not just some common thing that happens. We get back in bed and fall asleep. He has the day off but says he has lots of errands to run.

As I’m driving home I text him, “that’s the last time I’ll ever see you isn’t it?”

No response.


Couple weeks go by. I text him everyday. The very next guy I go out with, the writer, sleep with him the first night. Next couple guys, sleep with first night.

New Years Eve happens and I text the actor a picture of me all dressed up and he immediately texts me that I look really sexy. WHAT?! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DUDE?!

He explains that he has worked closing shifts every single night since we had last seen each other including Christmas eve and that he’s about to quit his job and he’s really stressed out. He says he can’t give me what I’m looking for.

Heartbreaking cue go.


I won’t cry over a boy I met two times. I won’t cry over a boy I met two times. Come on girl you can do this.

We go back and forth a few more times and I’m just always jonesing to see him really bad. Maybe he will change and be better once he quits his job, which he does end up quitting I see on his facebook. I meet the snowboarder at this point and I start texting the actor that the way the snowboarder kisses me is love, not lust. I tell the actor that I shouldn’t have ever felt those things for him. And that I get the difference now. All those first kisses with the actor were purely lust. With the snowboarder it was so different.

Well as you know, the snowboarder fucking disappears so here I am retreating back to the actor again. We finally meet again and I pick him up one Sunday night. I couldn’t wait another minute. I park and get out and we immediately go into each other’s arms without saying a word and kiss and kiss and kiss in the parking lot.


We go out to the same last place we had gone out to and catch up. He has gone out with one other girl once since the last month or two. I’ve probably been out with 15…but I don’t say that of course. He talks about how hard it was quitting his job and that he’s looking at applying to the Wrecking Bar and focusing on acting. He basically does all the talking that night, not really asking much about me.

This couple sits next to us and tell me I’m the most beautiful girl in there and the man looks at the actor and says- is this your girl? He says yes.


We talk to them for a while at the bar and they are overly sweet to both of us. And you know what? We ARE the best looking people in the bar. He is by far the most handsome confident captivating guy in the whole bar. And I look good too, damnit. I’m wearing the most flattering dress I own with knee high boots on and I’m at my lowest weight in years.

He kisses me at the bar. WOW WOW WOW WOW I KNOW that is a big deal for him. He never would let me kiss him out I remembered.


We go back to his place and go crazy on each other. He immediately has me nailed up against a wall in his kitchen but I’m hesitant still about him taking my clothes off. I mean, I’ve already slept with a lot of guys by this point who hit it and quit it and it SUCKED. Yes, I had an amazing time with them but the aftermath really stung.

He starts talking about how when the couple asked him if I was his girl, that it felt natural and correct and easy to immediately respond, yes, this is my girl. And he also mentions the public kiss. I knew he knew it was a big deal. He knew I knew it was a big deal for him.

We have sex. One thing that was crazy beautifully hot was he would ask me who I was when we were doing it. Like I’d have to answer “I’m yours.” He wanted me to be his and I wanted to be his.

But honestly it was just ok sex…I don’t finish and he can’t keep it up. We drank too much and it’s just all sloppy and all over the place really. The next morning we play a little more but I still don’t finish. He wants to go do errands, so I leave.

I text him later asking how it went at the Wrecking Bar. He says good. Don’t hear from him again. Shit. Mother Fucking Fucker.


The next week, I’m going out with the 39 year old and he takes me to the Wrecking Bar. My heart stops. There’s the actor at the bar working. So the interview he went on went THAT well. He works there now. Shit.

He looks like a little boy compared to the 39 year old honestly. He avoids eye contact with me at all costs. I have an excellent date with the 39 year old, laughing, exchanging stories. We walk right past the actor eating dinner as the bar is closing. He looks down quickly when I take my last look at him.

The 39 year old kisses me at the valet. When we are starting to pull out of the parking lot, he stops his car and gets out and comes by my car. I roll the window down and he says he forgot to tip the valet. He kisses me again. I’m seriously like coming out of my window wrapping myself around the 39 year old while in my car, really enjoying it. I’m almost positive the actor saw it all happen.

The next day, I text the actor that he looked like a child compared to who I was out with. Obviously, I haven’t heard from him again.

But fuck it- I’ll be real. He does something to me. It must be his confidence, his charm, his looks duh, his I don’t really give a fuck about you manner……..I want him. I want to see him again.

Maybe I will be finding myself at his show Tuesday. I know. I know. This is what you’re thinking isn’t it:


Writing in TSD’s living room

Last night I was with TSD jamming and singing along to his playing. We’ve had some really big ups and downs the last couple of days. I was sitting there with his binder of lyrics of songs he wants to learn and he has put songs I want to learn in there too. Asked him for some blank papers because he’s been encouraging me to compose and write.

Pulled my inspiration from Daughter and Minus the Bear lyrics.

Love, hunt me down

Make me yours

You know how I’m all over town

I put out that trap for you but just got myself caught

Caught up in you

Longing for more of those sweet little things you let slip every once in a while

I remember the first time you called me darling