The Porter Guy

So my best friend and I are at The Porter inĀ  Little Five Points. Cute guy sitting next to us on a date.

Get home later, this guy has messaged me on okcupid- Were you just at the Porter? I kept looking at you every time my date walked away which I know is bad.

Anyways- we start chatting and we end up meeting at like midnight later that night! I was already in my pjs and everything. But I like spontaneity. And he’s handsome.


We meet and bar hop around L5P bars and hit it off. He tells me he hasn’t had many second dates. So….why?

Well turns out he’s 30 and just gotten his first real job, just moved out of his parents and also lost almost 200 lbs this year. Woah. He shows me a picture of what he used to look like and it’s unreal. Just not the same person.

He was something like 315? So his confidence levels, his suaveness on dates- really non existent because he’s never really dated until this year.

He asks to kiss me, but I decline and say I’d like to wait. At the end of the night he asks again and we do, but he’s too handsy and his tongue is all over the place. How many girls has he actually kisses……..?


He’s very sweet though and I accept a dinner date with him the next week. I haven’t laughed so much with someone in a long time. We are really hitting it off. He looks like Chris Pratt a little bit I figure out.

We see some comedy with that same best friend I was out with and have a good time. The kiss at the end of the night was short and sweet and better…..but it’s because Tally guy was there! He shows up at comedy too and asks me to go out with him to another bar.

When I say Oh I’m hanging out with my friends I guess he heads out. When I’m at the car kissing Chris Pratt goodnight- he’s right there! Tally guy. Ooops?


Third time I hang out with Pratt, we watch the Walking Dead at a local bar and don’t get much time to talk. He was more awkward this time. Making fun of me being in the drama club in high school and joking about how competitions for drama could even exist and who even goes to stuff like that. I didn’t get it.


I also ate something too spicy for me and he over joked about that too. After returning from the bathroom at one point, he had already paid his own tab and said he was heading out. Guess we weren’t on a date? I give him a peck and haven’t seen him since. We text but…..I don’t know. It’s just off for some reason…..


Three dates in one night

New record y’all!


So the first date, I can’t even remember what he does for a job. Let’s call him the cute Highlands dude. We had been talking for MONTHS on and off. And he never followed through with meeting me. Like why did we even exchange numbers dude?

If I give you my number, we are meeting within a week. Don’t waste my time. Because we might totally not click in person. So this whole text flirting thing is just a waste of time.

I finally gave him an ultimatum after not hearing from him for a few weeks. Take me out tonight or you’re out of my phone. Ok he says.

At dinner with my mom, he texts me he has to cancel and that he knows he blew it. So I go home and I get this text around the time we were supposed to have met. It’s him at a bar with his friends. Ummmmmm.


He says that his work buddies forced him out and I should come and join. And I do……we meet somewhere else though just the two of us.

He’s already pretty buzzed and we proceed to do shots. He’s very touchy and complimentary for someone I’ve known for ten minutes. I tell him not to dare kiss me on the lips at a bar as our first kiss.So he grabs me as soon as we walk out of the door and does it. Eh.

I forced him to allow me drive him home because he is too drunk. It’s like 10:30 at night. He keeps trying to get in my pants in his apartment and I get him to sleep and text Tally guy to come hang out with me somewhere so I can salvage my night.

Next day cute Highlands guy texts me saying sorry he was an ass and he doesn’t remember much. He hasn’t followed up trying to make it up to me. But he does still text me.


So I go out and meet Tally guy who STILL hasn’t kissed me. This will be our fourth time hanging out. He does the same shit as usual, walking away for large chunks of time, knows everyone everywhere but doesn’t really introduce me, doesn’t pay for any of our drinks.

When we go to our second place and he starts doing coke again, I start texting a third guy to come hang out with me. I tell Tally guy I’ve gotta go see a friend and he’s like, cool I’ll come with you. I go to the bathroom to try to strategize how I’ll get out of this.

He still hasn’t kissed me. I don’t even know what this dude wants! To drink with my money? To have a cute girl near him?


I basically just walk back up and give him his shit I was holding for him back and tell him I’ll be right back.

I meet this new guy, let’s call him Young Glasses because I don’t remember what he does either. I was pretty drunk by then, it’s midnight. I’ve never met this guy before. My gf is the bartender at the bar we are at and shots continue again. I can’t really remember much about him but he was a good kisser.

We go back to his SHIT HOLE house. Like six guys living there, walking distance from the bar, mattress on the floor, milk crates holding his clothes. Pass out and he drives me back to my car the next morning.


Haven’t heard much from him since. I wouldn’t wanna go back to that roach place though. Even though he was really cute.

I ummmm had to take the next day off of work to recover from that shit show of lame boys though. Oh, and this huge ass bruise I got on my thigh from trying to crawl on the stage dancing with Tally guy. Thought I had broke something honestly. I’m ok now. Looks like a solar system on my leg. Brutal.


Tally guy

Tally as in Tallahasseee. I’m a Tallahassee Lassie actually so me and this guy have many mutual friends.

Last week we met up last minute to see some stand up comedy. When he came and sat next to me at the bar, he got up and just walked away after a few minutes. I literally thought, ok he hates me and he’s just leaving- ok…..


But he went outside to smoke…..but he didn’t say anything! I mean I know we were watching a show, but wouldn’t you say something? Like Hey I’ll be right back.

When he got back he recognized the two people next to me as Tally people too and we all went outside and chatted and reminisced of the good ol capital city.

We all stuck together all night. So I actually never had a conversation with him. I figured he was just more comfortable with that. And I did like that couple we were with. My second time ever at the Clairmont Lounge too!

AGAIN- he walked away from me there. Just started wondering off. For like ten minutes!


Is he high?

We went to another bar across the street and he did it again! No saying anything- just strolling away. Leaving me with his two friends who were slowly becomming my friends too.

When we all went back to his friend’s house after the bars closed I’m thinking ok it’s 3am and we’ve been together since 9:30 so he must be getting really annoyed with me or is really just shy because I CANNOT tell if he’s into me at all still. I say I’m gonna uber home but he says no no I’ll drive you.

A bro hug. It’s 5 am and I was given a bro hug. After like over 7 hours of hanging out.

Yep this guy’s not into me.


But then he texts when I get home and I call him out on it- you know you could have kissed me. He says he didn’t get that vibe from me!

I don’t even hear from him all week so I just start figuring that was an excuse. No big deal.

But then he calls me this week and decide to meet up at another comedy show. Again- the disappearing thing. Over and over. This time, there are no people to distract me as much like last time. The standing around by myself is like unbearably weird.

I go back to his place- a shit show- his place, not me. I pass out and we both kept our clothes on the entire time. He doesn’t try ANYTHING. I’m so confused. He says he likes to take it slow. We finally cuddle after what seems like hours of both of us being awake but just lying there with our eyes closed awkwardly.

The next morning he makes me coffee and eggs and drives me back to my car. Takes my hand and kisses it. While he’s on the phone….Like it’s a sweet gesture but I was like GET OFF THE PHONE.

He texts me later that he looks forward to next time.

I don’t know……we’ll see.


The lawyer

I met this recent law school grad on okcupid and then we also connected later on tinder and the ball started rolling with our conversation.

We had a sushi dinner and I really loved how much he had traveled the world. He was also ex military, and I respect that a lot.

After dinner, we were having such fun conversation, we decided to have a drink at the bar next door too. I asked him there who the little baby girl in his pictures were. His niece?

Nope. That’s his daughter. Huh….could’ve mentioned that by now dude.


The night continued and he asked if it was ok to kiss me goodnight. Wow I thought. Someone is asking permission to touch me, this i new. The kiss was so polite and gentle, my initial reaction was that it was weird. But then I realized, that is the abuse leaking over into my thought process of how people should treat each other. Fuck.

We hung out two more times that week. Dave and busters, korean BBQ. Such fun dates. He kissed me in public. That was new. I forgot that that is also NOT a weird thing to do. Or to hold hands. Oof…. I am so skewed still, damint.

Some weird things came to light though over the dates. Like that he was still married and still getting through the divorce. That he’d been separated since August but it might be another year till the divorce goes through.

On our third date, his sister and her boyfriend joined us. They were so lovely. I actually liked him even more after having dinner with them all because I was like- OH so he isn’t weird. They are totally normal, she just got her Phd and he’s a bartender at an amazing place. It made me think, you know maybe this lawyer just got caught in some bad circumstances.


Me and him stayed for one more glass of wine after dinner and I said Happy Father’s Day to him. He said- Oh well yea it’s too bad though because I didn’t get to see my children today actually.

Children? As in plural. Oh right- yea he didn’t want to scare me off he says so he didn’t bring up his other TWO children. Two boys 8 and 9. So he has a baby girl AND two children. And he only gets to see them once a month. Huh….


I was really unsure about seeing him again. When he asked me to go to the Shakespeare Tavern though, I was like DAMN yes please. I’ve nbere been taken there! By the time my work day was over though, we were both running late and we missed the beginning of the show and just decided to grab dinner instead.

Turns out his job he had started and was only three days into already laid him off that afternoon. Because he failed his criminal background check!


Whaaaaaat? And he doesn’t go into what it was! So I finally blurted out- ummm are you going to share what criminal or arrest history you have with me, or what? It wasn’t THAT bad but like STILL…Possession of marijuana when he was 18.

Later on too, he tells me his lawyer has advised him that we don’t date. That he can’t get into a relationship. That it can be used against him. But that he still wants to hang out. I’m just like at this point… many. red. flags.

He ends up getting really hammered that night. Doing multiple shots that I didn’t join him on. Who does shots alone?


I’m trying to wane my way off answering his texts but turns out he left his gucci sunglasses in my car. Oof. He’s so handsome too. It’s such a shame.

Summer lovin: The model part 2

So I get pretty sick as many of you know right at the end of the summer. I’m pretty MIA and when the model comes into town in September…yes…I was MIA a while….I tell him he can come on over to my place.

I’m still not feeling well and tell him before he arrives that I’m not interested in doing anything intimate, no drinking, nothing. He proceeds to act like a total asshole pushing me and pushing me to do things in bed with him. To the point that I ask him to leave. I tell him I’ll call him but I don’t plan on it. I mean I’ve never ever had to ask a guy to leave.


I don’t answer his texts. His calls. He’s getting pissed.

Couple months go by and he starts telling me that photos we have exchanged…which I honestly don’t remember what they were…he tells me he’s going to post them online. Wow. Just wow. I’m being threatened.


So from having a crazy fun spontaneous first date to being threatened to be posted on porn websites….awesome job me. I sure know how to pick ’em.

Needless to say I stopped dating September through the end of December.


Today is the snowboarder’s birthday. And the artist’s. The snowboarder hasn’t responded to me in a day. I offered to be there at midnight when his birthday starts and kiss him to start his new year of life off in a beautiful way.

I wished the artist happy birthday on a text today. We keep saying we will get together but we don’t. Last time I saw him was a couple weeks ago when we went to an estate sale together and bought supplies. I don’t really see any potential there except for a friend. We slept together the first night we met.


I honestly don’t even like his art. It’s too abstract for me. But he eats up vintage things like me. We would ogle at old letters in the basement of this house together. Try on old clothes.

Honestly, I was mean to him that day- by accident. He opened up about something or other and I blurted out that I was surprised he had so much substance because he kind of just seemed like a player party boy. He did not take that well. Duh. Why would someone ever say that to someone? “Oh wow you AREN’T a total dumbass, you have cool interests and things to offer!”


So. Smooth.

But we still talk pretty often through text. We may paint together in the future. He has a cool studio in his attic.

Love is art Hero 1 IIHIH

The snowboarder

Oh man heartbreak. My stomach is in knots today thinking about him. I was up in Woodstock helping my friend shop for a car…..thinking the whole time I was so close to where he lives. I know all the codes to his apartment, know which one is his….Went there enough times….the thought crosses my mind in the leftovers of pain to confront him and demand answers


Twice. He hurt me TWICE. I gave him a second chance and I’m still stuck alone without him. I could have fallen in love with him. Honestly, I still could. That’s what sucks the most I think. We connected more than anyone I have since I first met Matt five years ago.

I want to call him by his first name, he makes me so mad. But I know he’s in pain. I know he’s not ready for anything like what I wanted to give him.


When it rains, the front windshield in my car fogs up and I see his message he wrote for me with his finger across it. I always forget to wipe it…maybe I don’t want to.

Ok the snowboarder. We met in the dead middle of the night on tinder….yes, I know. I was the first person he matched with he said. We texted until dawn. We clicked. We met the next night. HE was nervous. Had never met someone from online before. After the second place we were at, he’s watching my take a drag from his cigarette and tells me I’m the most badass girl he’s ever met. Me? Badass? That’s a first.

He says he doesn’t want our first kiss to be in a bar. But that he wants it. We are the last people to leave the bar basically at 2:30am and decide to go to waffle house so we can just still be with each other, even if just an hour more. I leave the bar with a paper menu from the place. He had folded it up into an origami rose while he was talking with me. I had no clue what he was doing with this paper for like five minutes until it revealed itself to be a flower. For me.

When we leave his car at waffle house he grabs my waist and draws me in for our first kiss. I could have fainted.


The waitress greets us and says “wow you are so pretty young lady! Just beautiful!” I turn so red and she decides that our coffees are on her because it’s our first date!

He takes me back to my car after. The softest kisses. The softest, people. Heaven sent. Full of love. Not lust.

We tell each other we have never met anyone like the other. I ask him- the first time I’ve ever asked a guy this since I’d been dating- when can I see you again? He says “every day humanly possible, darling”

I put my paper rose in the middle of my car to look at every moment I can while driving.

He goes snowboarding all that weekend. He designs snowboards. Works for a huge company and store north of Atlanta called Ambush. And he models. Yep. Another model. He doesn’t pay for any clothes he owns. He just gets to keep what he models.

We see each other that next Monday but not until like 11pm because he’s stuck at work. I decide to meet him in Marietta. And when I get to the bar I meet his brother, his best friend, his best friends gf AND his roommate. Holy shit. He wanted me to meet all of these people already? Were they already here? Or did he ask them to come?

After time with them, we go to Nik’s Place just the two of us. We take the KENO cards from the bar and right secret messages full of love and flirtation back and forth quietly. I fold one up and slide it over. I wrote “I want to see you every single day”

We go back to his amazing loft apartment that’s in this like renovated factory type thing. His snowboards are showcased and hung up all over. So freaking impressive. We stay up till…god I don’t know like 7am? The sun was coming up. He calls into work. He took the fucking day off to be with me in his king sized bed even longer. Just hours of soft kisses. Making plans. Laughing. Listening to music. Showing pictures to each other of our lives.

I keep telling him I love his smell so much. When I have to go to work, he takes one of his shirts and douses it with his cologne and tells me to take it with me. We kiss long and sweetly at my car. We plan on meeting two days later. He never shows.