The snowboarder part 2

I was so afraid something happened to him. We had planned where and what time we were meeting. Sure, I hadn’t heard from him since 1:00pm but no huge deal, right? Ok….he’s not answering my calls. What if he got in an accident?? The next day I even call his work and they tell me he just left. It was 5:00 in the afternoon, now over 24 hours since hearing from him.

It hits me when I hang up the phone. He did it on purpose. He’s not going to answer my calls or my texts. Is this real?

I try a few more days…I even add his brother on facebook hoping to maybe find out what I did wrong, what happened, why was I being ignored and discarded out of fucking NO WHERE. Nothing.

A month and a half later at 1:30 int the morning I get this epically long text message from a number I don’t know. It’s a scroller. I honestly thought it could be the cop or firefighter or something drunken texting me.

It said “I need to talk to you about something. I have things to explain. I have treated you like shit and there is no explanation for you deserving this. You deserve the world and I would do anything to deliver that to you. So, I would like to meet up with you. I will talk to you tomorrow about it. If you want.”

It took me hours…and randomly it hit me. Lane. My whole world stopped it felt like.

I saw him that night. We met at the same bar we had last gone out to. I was shaking. He was shaking. He wouldn’t even look at me when he spoke. He was scared. He told me about his former daughter. I knew about her, a little. He told me his ex and said she was pregnant with his daughter. That he raised her and financially supported her. When this little girl was three his whole family kept saying, you know she doesn’t look like you. He finally got a paternity test.

0.0% chance he was her father.

What I didn’t know was that had happened like TWO months ago. He had fallen into a deep depression. Hadn’t even been speaking to his friends or brother or mom. Told me I was the first person he reached out to.

I knew I had forgiven him the moment I saw him honestly.

The bar closed and we went to my car and he hugged me, and we just didn’t separate. My head rested so beautifully on his chest. Everything in me was screaming. He asks me to come over, we sit on the couch and open up about all our hardships we’ve had in our lives, our highs and lows, all the pain and love we’ve suffered. I finally kissed him at about 6 in the morning. He took the whole next morning off again to stay with me longer in bed.

He told me he wanted to see me again and again. Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday he was most free. I say- you know Saturday is Valentine’s Day. He says, yes I know. I swoon.

Two nights later I’m leaving a really boring drinks date with a guy I’ve never spoken to again. I’m in buckhead and tell the snowboarder I could pop up and visit with him possibly. He says to come over and I get there and his roommate opens the door and I walk in. He asks, sorry have you been here before? I was like…umm did Lane not tell you I’m coming over? And umm we’ve met before buddy, good lord.

Lane just sits there and plays video games for like 45 minutes, barely talking to me. Then he tells me his stomach hurts and he’s gonna take a bath. But to come with him. So I am just in the bathroom with him sitting on the tile while he takes a bath and we talk. He’s looking rough. He seems depressed. We barely kiss at all that night.

When we walk out the next morning out of the building, he doesn’t walk me to my car. He kisses me really long and says he will talk to me in a few minutes when he gets to work. The next night was Tuesday, we were supposed to hang out. He works late and keeps pushing it back and back until it’s after midnight and I just fall asleep. In my clothes. With my phone in my hand. Waiting for him.

I tell him the next day that I felt stupid about waiting on him like that. That I didn’t even eat dinner, hoping he’d call and say he’s done at work and we should meet up and grab a bite. He says “ouch that hurts. I’m sorry that work kept me”

That night it’s Wednesday. But I don’t hear from him the rest of the day. I go get my hair done. I’m excited to show him on Valentine’s day. Surely we’ll see each other then, right?

Nothing.

I call. I text. Valentine’s day comes and goes. Nothing. I cry. I meet other people. But I can’t shake him. Is he doing this to me again? Really? How did I set myself up for this? Did I come on too strong? Did I let my walls down that easily?

He’s going to come back. I know he is. How will I ever keep away when he does?

The snowboarder

Oh man heartbreak. My stomach is in knots today thinking about him. I was up in Woodstock helping my friend shop for a car…..thinking the whole time I was so close to where he lives. I know all the codes to his apartment, know which one is his….Went there enough times….the thought crosses my mind in the leftovers of pain to confront him and demand answers

.

Twice. He hurt me TWICE. I gave him a second chance and I’m still stuck alone without him. I could have fallen in love with him. Honestly, I still could. That’s what sucks the most I think. We connected more than anyone I have since I first met Matt five years ago.

I want to call him by his first name, he makes me so mad. But I know he’s in pain. I know he’s not ready for anything like what I wanted to give him.

When it rains, the front windshield in my car fogs up and I see his message he wrote for me with his finger across it. I always forget to wipe it…maybe I don’t want to.

Ok the snowboarder. We met in the dead middle of the night on tinder….yes, I know. I was the first person he matched with he said. We texted until dawn. We clicked. We met the next night. HE was nervous. Had never met someone from online before. After the second place we were at, he’s watching my take a drag from his cigarette and tells me I’m the most badass girl he’s ever met. Me? Badass? That’s a first.

He says he doesn’t want our first kiss to be in a bar. But that he wants it. We are the last people to leave the bar basically at 2:30am and decide to go to waffle house so we can just still be with each other, even if just an hour more. I leave the bar with a paper menu from the place. He had folded it up into an origami rose while he was talking with me. I had no clue what he was doing with this paper for like five minutes until it revealed itself to be a flower. For me.

When we leave his car at waffle house he grabs my waist and draws me in for our first kiss. I could have fainted.

The waitress greets us and says “wow you are so pretty young lady! Just beautiful!” I turn so red and she decides that our coffees are on her because it’s our first date!

He takes me back to my car after. The softest kisses. The softest, people. Heaven sent. Full of love. Not lust.

We tell each other we have never met anyone like the other. I ask him- the first time I’ve ever asked a guy this since I’d been dating- when can I see you again? He says “every day humanly possible, darling”

I put my paper rose in the middle of my car to look at every moment I can while driving.

He goes snowboarding all that weekend. He designs snowboards. Works for a huge company and store north of Atlanta called Ambush. And he models. Yep. Another model. He doesn’t pay for any clothes he owns. He just gets to keep what he models.

We see each other that next Monday but not until like 11pm because he’s stuck at work. I decide to meet him in Marietta. And when I get to the bar I meet his brother, his best friend, his best friends gf AND his roommate. Holy shit. He wanted me to meet all of these people already? Were they already here? Or did he ask them to come?

After time with them, we go to Nik’s Place just the two of us. We take the KENO cards from the bar and right secret messages full of love and flirtation back and forth quietly. I fold one up and slide it over. I wrote “I want to see you every single day”

We go back to his amazing loft apartment that’s in this like renovated factory type thing. His snowboards are showcased and hung up all over. So freaking impressive. We stay up till…god I don’t know like 7am? The sun was coming up. He calls into work. He took the fucking day off to be with me in his king sized bed even longer. Just hours of soft kisses. Making plans. Laughing. Listening to music. Showing pictures to each other of our lives.

I keep telling him I love his smell so much. When I have to go to work, he takes one of his shirts and douses it with his cologne and tells me to take it with me. We kiss long and sweetly at my car. We plan on meeting two days later. He never shows.

The Beatle

Oh the Beatle. Both his first and last name are names of Beatle’s members first and last names. He’s my musical muse in a way. He has turned me onto new singers and bands more than anyone I can remember. We have the exact same taste in music. Catfish and the bottleman, Zella Day, Alex Winston, Banks to name a few—all were because of him. All of those covers on my instagram I sing and play, thanks to him I learned those.

Obsessed with this band now.

Listen to all of this girls songs.

I met him the same day I met him. It was the second time I downloaded tinder to my phone. He was my first match. He said he was going to the EARL to see a show and so I just decided to meet him there.

He’s a weird mix of personalities. He went to Ole Miss and hast these pictures of him looking super fratastic. But then he has these other photos of him looking semi hipster and hip. He’s both a financial accountant and a movie and TV extra here in ATL. So he really pulls off these thick rimmed glasses, Vampire Diaries costumes he’s put in but then he always completely rocks the whole northface jacket look.

We really hit it off that night. After the show we went across the street for another drink and we were comparing how big his hands were compared to mine, and then we just never separated hands. We just kept holding hands there while drinking.

When we started walking back to our cars it started raining. He pushed me hard against my car and kissing me there in the rain. It was like lightning hitting me. We decide to go get in his HUGE car…like really it’s some kind of like escalade or something- ridiculous. The kissing is hard and fast and intense.

When I get home after that we text little naughty things to each other for hours into the morning.

He meets me at Twain’s the next week after work and it’s so comfortable walking up to the door with his arm around me in our big jackets. We tease each other a lot, it’s like a mean flirtation in some ways which is the kind that makes me laugh the most. But then he will slip in these beautiful compliments every once in a while about my eyes or how he’s been wanting to kiss me so much. I tease that he actually is a big sweetheart underneath the whole cool guy prep/also hipster look. He says he is but he’s been too fucked over by girls in his life. Great…..

His pet is a rabbit. His ex’s rabbit. And he loves this rabbit. Yep.

He lives really far out of the city….with his parents….

But with these weird things I’m still wildy attracted to him. He’s so confident and sure of him. He’s handsome and funny and has the best taste in music. I have him over and we go crazy on each other- not even making it to the bed, just on my rug. Not sex- jesus give me a break.

He heads out since it’s a weekday and he has a real job. We text EVERY SINGLE day. I honestly can’t say that about any other guy I’ve hung out with. We exchange music links, flirtations, pictures, complaints about life.

But it’s been three, gosh maybe four weeks since that night at Twain’s. I ask him to hang out, he asks me to hang out and it just hasn’t happened. He’ll work late, I’ll work late, he’s tired…..I have another date…..etc lol

My best friend from high school is in town visiting this weekend and we are out at Argosy last night. The Beatle texts me saying he’s in my neck of the woods and is just not done with work stuff. It’s 9:30pm dang dude that’s a shitty job. I tell him we are in the village at Argosy and well….I get a tap on my shoulder a little after that.

God damnit I forgot how handsome he is in those glasses. What a nice surprise to see him. My friend sweetly allows him to take his seat and we try to catch up a little bit. I tell him I wish he would try harder to see me more often. And that I’ve been seeing other people. He asks how many. I said five. He asks me to describe each of them. Ok…. you asked for it buddy.

Told him about the set dresser, the piercer, the architect, YTS and the arrested father (yes, the arrested father is a new one I’ve never even mentioned on this blog yet)

But honestly- if I remember correctly about when I actually did last see The Beatle, I’ve actually dated many more guys since then than just those five.

I see my friends closing out their tabs but I really don’t want the night to end. But crap wow it’s already after midnight?! Where did the time go?

I walk The Beatle out the car and the sweet compliments start slipping into conversation as we stroll. I tell him again I really do think he is a secret nice guy and doesn’t want to admit it. We sit in the car, knowing my friends are waiting for me. We don’t have enough time……he kisses me. But fucking A, Beatle, you start going under my dress IMMEDIATELY?! I’m like dude put on the brakes for fuck’s sake. He jokes that he couldn’t help it and had been staring all night wanting to do that. We kiss a little more and I run back inside the bar.

We text little nothings to each other all night again….I bug him that he needs to grow up and move into the city already.

I wonder if he’ll make me wait four weeks to see him again.